my (possible) unpopular food opinions
sorry in advance
i’m in the mood to rustle some feathers today, so i am going to share with you some of my food opinions that may or may not be unpopular. i wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a picky eater (meaning, i do eat more than just chicken fingers, fries, and mac and cheese) but i am also not the “i will try anything at least once” type of person. i feel like i fall somewhere in between. some of my food opinions in the past have elicited some strong emotions from my peers, so here is my non-exhaustive list of my most recent opinions (in no particular order):
hot beverages are terrible. i despise hot beverages of all kinds — hot tea, hot coffee, hot apple cider, hot chocolate, hot milk (ew). if the drink is hot, i won’t drink it. i barely will drink it if it’s lukewarm. i don’t care if it’s comforting. i don’t care if it’s -35 degrees F outside. i do not want a hot drink. i would rather freeze the tips of my fingers off in the winter holding my iced coffee than drink it hot. something about a beverage being hot makes it taste so much worse to me. also, this might just be my impatience, but i don’t like having to wait for my drink to cool and taking tiny little sips so i don’t burn my tastebuds off. give me iced drinks or give me death.
runny yolks are one of the worst things ever. i don’t say this lightly when i say i would rather die than eat an egg with a runny yolk. they’re disgusting. looking at a sunny side up egg makes me want to rip my hair out. if the yolk is ever so slightly jammy whatsoever, i will not eat it. this concept also applies to a soft scrambled egg. why would i want to eat eggs that are wet and runny? don’t piss me off. i want my eggs cooked to an oblivion. i want them borderline burnt.
avocados are garbage. unless it’s guac, get it away from me. i cannot stand avocado toast. stop smashing an over or under ripe avocado on a piece of rock hard sourdough toast with an even worse egg and no seasoning and charge me $17 like that’s food. i don’t know what the hell happened in 2016, but the avocado took over the nation. avocado toast had you bitches by the throat and it still does. don’t even get me started on those people who say that avocado “doesn’t even taste like anything.” shut up. you’re wrong. you must have no tastebuds left to say that they don’t taste like anything. the taste is subtle, but it’s there, and i hate it.
zoodles. that’s it. that’s all i have to say. i hate squash in all forms. if i ask for a plate of pasta and you give me a plate of wet, mushy zucchini in the shape of pasta, i’m burning your house to the ground.
greek yogurt is the worst yogurt. i really want to like it. i know it’s good for you. i know we all eat greek yogurt and pretend we like it and that we are not suffering through every single bite. i have tried many brands, flavored and unflavored. i’ve mixed every single thing i possibly could mix into a yogurt to make it even slightly edible and it still sucks. it’s somehow dry?? the first two bites are fine. every remaining bite after that feels like you’re fighting for your life. it’s so bad. it goes down like concrete. we all know it and hate it. someone had to be the first to say it.
sorry if you’re upset. i feel very strongly about food and have plenty more opinions, but this is good for now.
yours,
jude.